Tetsu of the Yamanote Line
Captions: Tetsu (singing): The hills of Suruga smell of tea… Inspector: Well, if it isn’t Yamanote’s Tetsu… Tetsu: Whoa… ‘morning, inspector! Inspector: I see you’re off to work. Tetsu: You’re wrong there, sir! Not now, not me! Inspector: But you’re about to start, eh?
Captions: Inspector: Listen here, Tetsu. Don’t expect me to go easy just ‘cause you’re getting old and might not rake it in like before. Tetsu: Oh, please, sir… Inspector: Those fingers of yours were…the lightest the Yamanote Line ever saw. Or have you lost your touch? People in crowd: Yeesh! … That fellow’s wicked! Tetsu: Just 2000 yen? Tetsu: Sir! You dropped your wallet. Man: Uh, thanks! Tetsu: (in crowd): with the recession, it’s hard to read people. Announcer: Platform 8, departing for Shinjuku, Ikebukuro….No pushing, please. no pushing.
Captions: Announcer: Everyone, please move inside! Everyone press in! Announcer: Kanda Station Person: Let me off! Tetsu: Darn, just three thou… fifty in this one! Tetsu: One more pass!
Captions: Inspector: Tetsu! What are you up to? Just got off and already getting back on? Tetsu: Oops. Er, haha…what’re you doing here, Inspector? Inspector: Wiseguy. I found these wallets in the trash can in the bathroom. Tetsu: So what, sir? Inspector: They haven’t been totally emptied. There’s about 1000 yen left in each one. Tetsu: What’re you talking about? Inspector: That’s your M.O.! Inspector: Come with me. Tetsu: You can’t arrest me without any paperwork! Inspector: Wait! You won’t get away! Tetsu: But you don’t even have a warrant! Inspector: $#@%!
Captions: Tetsu: So long, sir! Tetsu: Now then… Tetsu: ‘Scuse me! Tetsu: Hmm…At least 500,000! That fellow’s got a bundle. That nervous look in his eye…he’s carrying money…The perfect challenge!... Judging by his looks, he’th either a bookie or a gangster. Tetsu: By hook or by crook, the money’s mine…This is a job for Yamanote’s Tetsu!... If I nail him I’ll call it a day. Tetsu: A tough customer! He’s got his guard up.
Captions: Tetsu: Gotta nail him before he reaches the ticket gate. Hmph. didn’t get a chance on the train. Inspector: That’s right, Yamanote’s Tetsu in back in action…Today’s the day I finally catch him red-handed. He’s somewhere on the Yamanote Line. Inspector: The gig’s up, Tetsu! Inspector: You take me lightly, do you?...Fine. You’ll never use your fingers again.
Captions: Tetsu: I did it! Man: Heya, pops! Tetsu: Yes…? Man: What’s in your pocket? Man 2: Let’s have a look. Tetsu: Uh, it’s none of your business…
Captions: Tetsu: Ung! Man: Bro! Man: Yo, Sanko!...Didn’t even notice your pocket was picked, didja? Nitwit! Man: Got somethin’ to say for yourself, pops? Man: Thought you could rip off the blue whips, pops? Big mistake! Man: Right this way. Tetsu: P-please, have mercy! I don’t know what came over me… Man: Really? I saw your moves, you’re a brazen old fox. Inspector: N need to take him back to HQ. Tetsu: M-m…mercy! Man: We can take care of this right here….See that nobody disturbs us, Sanko!
Captions: Man: Hold still! Man: Don’t worry, we won’t kill ya. Tetsu: Gaah! Security guard: Uhh…an awful lot of folks pass through here… Inspector: A short old guy with a mustache! Inspector: This is the station. I can smell it! (Tetsu): AAAARGH! (Tetsu): HRGFF! (Man): Okay…now the other hand!
Captions: Tetsu: “Moan” Man: That’ll teach ya! Tetsu: Urr…ach Tetsu: Urr… Inspector: Hm? Inspector: Tetsu! What happened? Inspector: Your thumbs and index fingers?! Who did it? Tetsu: Ahh…
Captions: Tetsu: Inspector, I…I just couldn’t resist…! Inspector: Wait there, I’ll call an ambulance. Inspector: Over here! (Man): Good old Tetsu… Man: His pickpocketing career’s over for good. Inspector: Can’t they save his fingers? They were just sliced off. Man: Even if they could Man: That doesn’t mean he’d have full use of them…. As for anything that requires extra nimble finger work, forget it! …I suppose it’s for the best, don’t you?
Captions: Inspector: You’re right… Inspector: But I promised I’d catch him red-handed one day. Man: You sorta did! Inspector: Well, yes…It sticks, in my craw, just the same. Man: You’re not feeling sorry for ol’ Tetsu, are you? You, the famous ogre of section three? Inspector: Sorry? No way! Inspector: I was just thinking about his surgery. Inspector: Mind if I call in a doctor I know? Inspector: Hello, Dr. Black Jack?...It’s Inspector Tomobiki of the Metropolitan Police Force. You operated on my son once.
Captions: Inspector: Still working on the sly?...I got a request. Inspector: Oh? well, if you don’t come,…I’ll file a report on you with public security.. Dr. Black Jack: Just the sight of your face makes me want to puke, Inspector. Inspector: Please, go right ahead. Dr. Black Jack: You want me to operate on some deadbeat and you’ll have me arrested if I refuse? Inspector: Right. And I mean it. So get to work, or else. Dr. Black Jack: A dirty cop, aren’t ya. Inspector: Thanks for the news flash. Black Jack: What’s the problem? Inspector: Four severed digits!
Captions: Inspector: I want you to reattach them. Black Jack: The doctors here can handle that. Inspector: Not just sew them on…I want them perfectly restored to their former level. Inspector: He’s a pickpocket. I want his fingers to be agile enough he’ll be able to ‘work’ again. Black Jack: You think I’m some magician?...You I toss a handkerchief over them and chant hocus pocus? Inspector: I know it won’t be easy. But if anyone can do it, you can. Black Jack: And I bet…there’s no fee? Inspector: No! No fee!...But I’ll ignore the fact that you have no license. Black Jack: How many more times must I engage in philanthropy?
Captions: Inspector: With a scalpel in your hands you’re a genius. If you lost your fingers, what’d you live for?...The old man is a thief, but he lives by his fingers like you. You can sympathize, can’t ya? Black Jack: Show me. Doctor: They were severed three hours ago. Black Jack: Ah…no fear of necrosis then. Inspector: Well? Black Jack: Normally I’d charge one million per finger. A 4 million yen loss!
Captions: Black Jack: Loupe!
Captions: Inspector: Tetsu…I hope it works. Inspector: How did it go? Will they be as good as new? Black Jack: Don’t be ridiculous, Inspector. Black Jack: You’re talking about fingers that were cut off. I don’t have a time machine.
Captions: Tetsu: Heh heh! All healed up. Tetsu: I don’t know how to thank you, Doctor. Inspector: Can you move them like before? Tetsu: Sure! See? Inspector: Hmph. Are you sure there’s no damage? Tetsu: They work just fine! … I can use chopsticks and I can wipe my bum, too! Inspector: Listen here…I want your fingers to be nimble enough to pick pockets the way you used to!
Captions: Inspector: If all your fingers can do now is wipe your own damn butt, I don’t want to see them. Inspector: Get lost!! Tetsu: Yessir. Thanks for everything! Inspector: I thought we had an agreement, Doctor. Inspector: I had faith in your abilities! I entrusted Tetsu to your care cuz Inspector: Now I find out you’ve done a half-assed job. You leave me no choice! Inspector: Huh?! Inspector: Where’s my badge? Inspector: That dirty scum!
Captions: Inspector: Tetsu! You filthy…! Tetsu: Voila! Your badge! Your pen! And your wallet! Inspector: Y-you’re under arrest! Tetsu: Aw, I was just showin’ ya! Tetsu: See? My fingers are good as new! Inspector: Oh… Inspector: Well, that’s just… great! Tetsu: Whaddya say we tip a few back and toast the great Doctor Black Jack, Inspector? Inspector: One of these days, I’ll nab you. Tetsu: Eh, none of that tonight, sir.