A Short Guide to Being the Perfect Political Refugee

Captions: On a normal day, the distance from the sidewalk to the front door of police headquarters can be covered in ten seconds. (A man in glasses, carrying a sheaf of red documents, walks towards an open doorway.)

Captions: But on days the station is open to refugees, it can take three hours to reach the door! (A crowd waits; the man in glasses from the first picture is at the very end of the line.) From behind the door, an unseen voice shouts "Next!"

Captions: WOMAN AT DESK: How many times must I say it? Your documents are incomplete. INCOMPLETE! [At the police station.] (The crowd is now inside, waiting in a different line: men, women, children, elderly people. A police office watches them and a woman shouts from behind a desk.)

Captions: IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 1: Take off your hat. (Man in glasses removes hat, looking worried.) IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 2: Turn off your phone. (A woman holding a phone obeys.) Bear in mind that at the police station you're likely to hear one word over and over: IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 1: NEXT. IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 2: NEXT. IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 3: NEXT.

Captions: IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 4: NEXT. IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL 5: NEXT. (Sandwiched between the enormous profiles of the immigration officials, worried people wait in line. The man in glasses is among them.)

Captions: WOMAN AT DESK: Your application is incomplete. MAN IN GLASSES: I...not...speak...French. WOMAN AT DESK: I-N-C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E. A real refugee would have seen the arrival of this day when he would file for asylum in France when still a child and would have endeavored to learn French. (A new frame: a proud child displays a cartoon of an imam.) MOTHER: Darling, come look at this. This child has all the signs he'll have a promising future as a refugee. We should enroll him in French classes!

Captions: They give you a form to fill out...and a number. During your time at police headquarter, this number is your identity. (Man in glasses holds up his number: A23.)

Captions: Lose it and there will be no way to identify you! (Refugees in a crowd, their heads replaced with numbers.) IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL to a headless woman refugee: You lost it? How are we supposed to know who you are without that number? HEADLESS WOMAN REFUGEE: I...I don't know!

Captions: IMMIGRATION OFFICIAL: This is not a recent photo. MAN IN GLASSES: Believe me, I took it the day before yesterday. Don't forget to bring your money with you because you'll have to take a photo at police headquarters each and every time you go there. (A giant hand reaches out from the photo booth to take man's coins.)

Captions: Your face must be right in the middle of the green oval on the screen. Even if you give your best effort you still might not manage. You probably haven't adjusted your chair low enough. (The man in glasses contorts himself into several positions, finally managing to place his face inside the green oval.) You'll have to retake the photo anyway because photos with glasses are not allowed.

Captions: The police will open a file for you and take your fingerprints. The fingerprint scanner is usually out of order. IMMIGRATION AGENT to MAN IN GLASSES: "Turn your hand, sir!" They'll take your fingerprints over and over again, in vain. (The immigration agent hits the man's hand with hammer.) MAN IN GLASSES (holding out his own dismembered hand): Could I leave my hand here for when the machine begins working again? (The immigration agent smiles.)

Captions: In some cases, due to inadequate fingerprints, your case will be pending and you should book another appointment a few weeks or months later, an action which will delay the processing of your file for a further few months. (Surrounded by a crowd of giant fingerprints and dates, the man in glasses grits his teeth in frustration.)